


Halloween Dance

by shittystorywriter



Category: South Park
Genre: Because they're drinking, Cartman and Kyle bickering, Comedy, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, One-Sided Attraction, Other, Super naive Kyle, idk - Freeform, they're teenagers in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-12
Updated: 2019-11-12
Packaged: 2021-01-29 06:13:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21405496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shittystorywriter/pseuds/shittystorywriter
Summary: Kyle is dragged into attending the stupid Halloween dance by his friends.
Relationships: Kyle Broflovski/Eric Cartman
Comments: 2
Kudos: 72





	Halloween Dance

"Hey guys..are you going to the Halloween dance?" Stan decided to ask his friends during their early morning hallway chit chat.

Kyle's disinterested expression said it all. He really didn't care for any of the school's dances. They were corny, and he wasn't a big fan of dancing. Nor did he enjoy spending his night in a loud, sweaty, and crowded school cafeteria, with cheesy top 40's music being blasted from speakers. He would much rather stay at home, even if that meant people thinking he was antisocial.

Cartman beamed. "Yeah, Kyle and I are going together as a date," he answered, patting Kyle aggressively on the back. "He loves me almost as much as he loves school dances."

Kyle glared at his fat friend. Stan looked surprised. No matter how many times Cartman bullshitted him, he somehow fell for it each time. "Seriously, you guys?"

Kyle rolled his eyes. "Cartman is full of shit. I'm not going, period. You guys know I hate dances."

"That's just because you can't dance. Because Jews have no rhythm!" Cartman jabbed.

"Yeah, exactly," Kyle nodded.

"Wait, what?" Cartman raised an eyebrow.

"It's too early to argue, asshole." Kyle yawned, looking for his books in his locker. He was still tired and needed to reserve his energy for an upcoming test. Pointless and petty arguments would have to wait until later.

"Well, I got you to call me an asshole at least. We're off to a decent start this morning," the chubby boy grinned. 

"Fuck off, fatso," Kyle warned, flipping him off. Oh great, now he was unintentionally giving in to the bait.

"Hmm, a nice improvement," Cartman stated.

Stan stared between his two friends. "Kyle, you have to come! We're gonna light firecrackers in the back of the school. And Kenny's dressing up as a chick."

Kyle sighed. "Sorry dude, but I'd rather stay home."

Stan looked at him like a kicked puppy. "Please?"

Cartman blinked his eyes very fast, clinging on to Kyle, mocking Stan. "Yeah, pwetty pweeease? Just kidding, I really don't give a crap if you go or not."

Kyle ignored Cartman's taunting, grabbing his books from his locker. 

"Come on, Kyle! It will be fun, I promise. And Kenny is going to look ridiculous. You gotta see it," Stan pleaded.

"All right! Fine, I'll come! If only to see Kenny's stupid costume," he reluctantly agreed.

"Psh, really? You didn't care to show up when I dressed up like a chick as a prank for the school assembly," Cartman complained.

"Because you're always cross dressing. You might as well grow a vagina already," Kyle chuckled.

Cartman furrowed his eyebrows. "Says the one with the sandy vagina!"

"Yes!" Stan grinned. "What costume are you gonna wear?"

Kyle shrugged. "I dunno. I guess my vampire costume?"

"Oh wow, Kyle's going to be a vampire again. How creative! Every fuckin Halloween, he's a vampire!" Cartman mocked.

Kyle scowled at him. "I don't have anything else to wear, fatass!"

"You could go out and buy a different costume for once, but I guess that costs money...of course your Jewish instincts won't allow that."

"Fuck off, why do you give a shit what costume I wear?" Kyle growled.

"I don't. Go ahead and dress up like Count Fagula again, it really fits you."

"I will! Because fuck you!" Kyle flipped him off.

"No, fuck you!" Cartman flipped him back.

"Double fuck you!" Kyle flipped both middle fingers up as he turned around and walked away. Stan shrugged and followed him.

"Triple fuck you, your mom and your dad! With a giant rusty dildo!" Cartman yelled back as Kyle retreated down the hallway.

"Eric! Watch your language, mmkay!" Mr. Mackey warned.

Cartman tried his best to look sheepishly innocent and took off for his class.

* * *

On the night of the Halloween dance, Kyle showed up as Dracula, as expected. He met his friends standing in a circle in the cafeteria. Stan was dressed up as a hot dog, to compliment Wendy, who was at the other side of the cafeteria dressed as a hamburger. Kenny, as promised, wore a ridiculously ill fitted mini skirt, high heels and fishnet stockings, along with a white wife beater tank top, a cheap looking blonde pigtail wig, and very badly smudged on makeup. Kyle burst into laughter after seeing how Kenny was dressed. 

Cartman later joined in the circle dressed as Santa Claus. Kyle raised an eyebrow at his costume. "Why are you dressed as Santa for Halloween, fatass?"

Cartman glared at him. "Cuz I wanted to have a costume that nobody else would wear. Plus I figured I could wear the costume again later on for Christmas."

"Psh, that's stupid," Kyle taunted.

"Better than your tired old count fagula costume," Cartman shot back.

"Come on guys, can we go ONE DAY without the bickering?" Kenny intervened.

"Shut up Kenny," Cartman replied. "You look like a stupid hooker."

"I guess he got his costume inspiration from your m-", Kyle began, only to have Stan's hand clamped over his mouth to shut him up.

"Kyle, don't start shit again," Stan sighed.

Cartman scowled at Kyle. "Yeah, KYLE, shut your god damn dirty Jew mouth for once."

Kyle gave Cartman the middle finger. "Hey, who's side are you on, Stan??" he complained.

Cartman smirked. "He's on my side, cuz he wants to get on Santa's good boy list this year." 

"I assume Kyle is not on your good boy list," Kenny commented.

"No, he is not. Jewish ginger vampires aren't good boys." 

"Neither are fat Nazi Santas," Kyle retorted.

"Don't be mad Kyle, you can still get on my good boy list. Maybe if you suck my dick. Put those vampire sucking skills to good use!"

Kyle made a disgusted face. "I bet you can't even find your own dick under that gut."

"I can locate it just fine, thank you very much." 

"I don't think you'd want a vampire sucking your dick," Stan said. "They might bite it off, or drain the blood out of it."

Cartman shrugged. "That sounds kinda hot."

Stan just shook his head, while Kyle continued to eye Cartman with disgust.

"Well, I'm gonna go visit those girls," Kenny announced, eying a group of girls across the room. He ran up to them, bouncing his fake boobs around and making the girls laugh. 

"Kenny is actually genius. His corny costume is getting him tons of attention from the ladies tonight," Stan commented as he watched in admiration.

"And meanwhile here's Stan, dressed up as a whipped weenie dog to match his burger bitch," Cartman taunted.

Stan shot him a glare. "I wouldn't be judging when you can't even get a bitch."

Cartman randomly grabbed Kyle and pulled him in, squeezing him into his side. "I have a bitch right here."

Kyle physically protested and pushed himself away from Cartman's snake like grip, hitting him in the arm. "Fuck off, fatass. Don't call me your bitch." 

"What're you gonna do about it?" Cartman smirked.

"I'm gonna bitch slap you if it happens again."

"See? You're a bitch."

Kyle responded by punching him in the gut, causing Cartman to wince and grunt. "Ugh, why are you so damn violent?"

Stan watched the two in awkward fascination and amusement. Just then Wendy and Bebe came over. Bebe was dressed as a "sexy witch". She looked at Stan and Wendy's couple costumes as they stood next to each other. "Aww, you guys look so corny and cute together!"

Stan and Wendy smiled. "Thanks," Stan replied.

"Kyle, I love the costume!" Bebe complimented, checking him out. 

Cartman rolled his eyes. "It's the same damn costume he wears every year," he complained.

"And he looks hot as usual!" Bebe grinned, grabbing and squeezing Kyle's cheek. Kyle's face turned visibly red, whether from being squeezed or embarrassed was unclear.

"Wanna come get a drink with me?" Bebe asked Kyle. He shrugged and nodded. She linked her arm in his, and they went off to the punch and snack table.

"Oh my gawd, when are they gonna get together already?" Wendy commented, watching them.

Cartman made a fake gagging noise, as he watched Bebe being all touchy and flirty with Kyle across the room. "Hopefully never, for Kyle's sake. Who knows what kind of diseases Bebe is carrying."

Wendy glared at Cartman. "I think you're just jealous!"

"Why would I be jealous? I have no interest in getting into Bebe's crabby patty."

"No, I think you're jealous of Bebe, because you have a crush on Kyle," Wendy pointed out, smiling smugly in a knowing manner. "That's why you're being so salty."

Cartman looked incredulous at the accusation. "Wendy, you're literally insane."

"Oh come on, it's so obvious. You flirt with him all the time. Anyone can see it."

"I do not! I'm teasing him, dammit, not flirting with him!" Cartman retorted, embarrassed.

"Uhuh, whatever you say.." Wendy smirked.

"Stan, please make sure your crazy girlfriend takes her meds," Cartman expressed, wagging his finger around his head in a circular crazy gesture.

Stan narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "I don't know Cartman, maybe she's onto something. You were just talking about him sucking your dick ten minutes ago."

Cartman rolled his eyes. "It's called a JOKE. Apparently Stan doesn't understand GUY HUMOR."

"You mean gay humor?" Stan laughed.

"Psh. You just don't understand comedy, Stan."

Kyle returned to the group, holding a cup of punch.

"You're back fast," Stan commented.

"Where's Bebe?" Wendy asked.

Kyle shrugged, looking mildly annoyed. "She's over there with that guy now."

"Wasn't she with you though?" Wendy looked around the room, spotting Bebe flirting with a guy in a fire fighter costume.

"She was, until she saw that guy," Kyle replied, sighing. 

Stan patted him on the back sympathetically. "It's OK Kyle, there's tons of girls here. We'll find you another one."

"You dodged a bullet there, I heard Bebe has crabs and syphilis," Cartman casually announced. 

Wendy slapped his arm. "Cartman's just jealous of Bebe because he likes you!"

Cartman glared at Wendy. "Stop spreading lies about me, crazy woman!"

Kyle looked at both of them oddly.

"She's lying, Kyle. I have no interest in your tiny dick. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go get myself some refreshments," Cartman said, waltzing over to the snack and drink table.

Kyle shook his head, as he sipped his juice and scanned the room. Butters was dressed up as a unicorn and was surrounded by girls. Tweek and Craig and their friends were dressed up as various monsters from movies. Lots of people weren't really wearing any costume at all, or were only wearing plain outfits with some cheap costume accessories. 

He felt someone tapping his shoulder and turned his head.

"What do you think about Cartman?" Wendy asked. 

Kyle looked at her oddly. "What do you mean, what do I think about him?"

"He obviously likes you, do you like him back?" she questioned.

Kyle rolled his eyes. "What?! He doesn't "like me", he likes annoying me."

"I'm not so sure about that.." Wendy replied, tapping her chin thoughtfully. "Even Stan agrees that Cartman has a crush on you! Right Stan?"

Stan shrugged. "Kinda seems like it."

Kyle couldn't believe that Stan of all people would think such a thing. "Oh come on! You know Cartman, he's so full of himself he doesn't like anyone but himself. And even if he weren't a complete narcissist, I'd be the last person for him to have a crush on."

"I dunno, it just seems like he's flirting with you all the time," Stan said. "And we all know he's a little gay."

Kyle just shook his head. "You guys are seeing too much into it."

"Or maybe you're just blind to it," Wendy laughed.

"I probably know Cartman better than anyone, so I doubt it," Kyle replied, shaking his head in disbelief. "Anyway, I'm gonna get some more to drink." With that, Kyle took off towards the drink table again. 

The rest of the night was fairly uneventful. When it was time to leave, everyone got into Stan's old car, which he had borrowed from his parents. But there appeared to be a problem. 

"We don't have enough room in the car for Kyle," Kenny stated.

"That's alright, he can sit in my lap," Cartman replied with a grin.

"Ugh, no fuckin way," Kyle winced, as he stood outside the car in the grass.

"Come on, little boy.." Cartman mumbled drunkenly, patting his lap. "Come sit on Santa's lap." He smiled at Kyle liked a perverted predator.

Stan and Wendy exchanged knowing glances. Kyle stared at Cartman in horror and disgust. "Hell no!"

Cartman sighed. "You're just a god damn racist."

"How the hell am I - you know what, never mind, I'm not falling for your stupid bait again," Kyle replied, rolling his eyes.

Cartman laughed loudly, taking pleasure in Kyle's mild annoyance. Probably even more so because of the alcohol in his system.

"Well..somebody might literally have to sit on someone's lap, unless we can find another ride," Kenny shrugged.

"It's alright, I'll just walk home. I'm kinda hot anyway and could use some air," Kyle said.

"Dude, come on," Stan reasoned.

"Kyle, you can't walk home alone at night on Halloween's eve," Cartman sighed.

"Why the fuck not?" Kyle asked.

"There's all sorts of creatures out there. Like drunk Mexicans," he warned. "They might mistake you for a curly haired chick and try to rape you."

"Oh, fuck off!" Kyle yelled and started to walk off. 

"Or you might get killed by Buffy the vampire slayer!" Kenny chuckled.

Stan face palmed. "Cartman, go walk home with him."

"Fuck no! I ain't walking that distance!" 

"You could use a good walk," Wendy retorted.

"Ay! Shut up, hoe!" Cartman blasted back.

"Don't call my girlfriend a hoe!" Stan warned. "Not cool."

"Whatever! I'm not following carrot top home, so that's that," Cartman argued. He looked over at Kenny. "Kenny, you walk home with him!"

"Nah," Kenny replied simply.

"Fine. Butters will walk home with him."

"I can't!" Butters shook his head. "I'm exhausted from all that dancin."

"You better go catch up with him, Cartman," Stan said impatiently, tapping the steering wheel. "Come on! He's kind of drunk, someone needs to make sure he gets home ok. I can't do it cause I've gotta drive."

"So what? I'm drunk too!" Cartman argued.

"But Kyle never drinks. He needs help. Just go walk him home!" Stan yelled.

"If he dies we're all going to blame you," Kenny added.

Cartman just grunted and remained in his seat, arms crossed defiantly.

"Cartman, if you don't get out of the car right now and go walk home with Kyle, I'm never driving you anywhere again," Stan warned.  
  
"Ugh! Fucking fine!" Cartman huffed angrily, undoing his seatbelt. "Does anyone have a flashlight?"

"Nope, sorry. Use your cellphone, it's got a light in it," Stan explained.

"My phone's almost dead. Thanks a lot, assholes," Cartman complained. He reluctantly looked out at the darkness ahead, but didn't open the door.

"Aww, are you scared of the dark?" Kenny teased.

"No!" Cartman shot back. 

Stan drove up the road to catch up with Kyle, who was walking at a brisk pace. "Kyle! Cartman's gonna walk home with you," he shouted out the window.

Kyle glared back at him. "No! I don't need him to!" 

Cartman nodded. "See! He doesn't need me. He's fine you guys." 

They watched as Kyle continued walking, faster, then wobbled and nearly tripped over his feet.

"Cartman, just fucking go with him already," Stan complained.

"WhatEVER!!" Cartman replied loudly and dramatically, as he opened the door and exited the vehicle, slamming the door behind him.

He caught up with Kyle and started walking along side him. "Slow down asshole, we're walking home, not jogging."

Stan waved and drove off, leaving them to walk home in the dark.

Kyle grunted angrily. "Why are you walking with me??"

"Because Stan forced me to," he groaned. "He didn't want you walking alone."

"Figures," Kyle sighed.

"Yeah, well I didn't want to have to walk some gay ass ginger vampire home in the middle of the night, along some dark ass road. By the way, I'm less afraid of serial killers hiding in the bushes and more afraid of you biting me," he said warily.

"Don't worry, fatass. If I were a real vampire, your blood would be my last choice."

"Oh? Why's that?" Cartman questioned.

"Well first off, it would probably taste like fried chicken grease," Kyle explained. "And secondly, I wouldn't want you to become immortal and piss me off for hundreds of years."

Cartman grinned excitedly at the idea. "Oh, but I would. That would be sweet!"

"No way. I would have to throw you into the sunlight," Kyle threatened.

"Well, you're already a ginger, so you're more likely to die from the sun than me," Cartman taunted. "For real. Do you even check your breasts for skin cancer?"

"Why the fuck would I have skin cancer on my "breasts"?" Kyle asked, stifling laughter.

"Because. I saw these videos with women massaging their breasts to check for skin cancer."

Kyle started laughing hysterically. "That's for breast cancer, dumbass! People get skin cancer wherever their skin is most exposed to sun."

Cartman paused in silence for a moment. "Oh. Oh, right."

"Why were you even watching those videos, huh?" Kyle chuckled.

"For educational purposes, why else?" Cartman explained in a serious tone. "Just wanted to make sure my tits weren't growing cancerous lumps or anything."

"Sure." Kyle shook his head.

"Do you want me to give you a free exam?" Cartman smirked.

Kyle looked disgusted. "No thanks. I don't have any breasts to examine, unlike you, tubby tits."

"Are you saying you want to give me a breast massage?" Cartman smiled creepily.

Kyle raised an eyebrow at him. "You're really starting to weird me out. What the hell did you have to drink?"

"Uhh, some beer and whatever was in that punch," Cartman replied, his voice slightly slurred.

"All I had was a couple cups of punch. Maybe you're drunker than I am," Kyle looked at him, noticing that Cartman did look quite a bit inebriated.

"Then you gotta help me get home," Cartman feigned, clinging on to Kyle. "I'm too drunk to get home safely!"

Kyle rolled his eyes. "Your house is literally down the street from mine, I think you can find it on your own."

"I seriously don't know how to find it. You gotta come with me and make sure I don't try to accidentally go into someone else's house at 1AM," Cartman yawned. "I could get shot."

Kyle released a deep, aggravated sigh. This was gonna be a long night.

* * *

"Okay, we're here, you drunk bastard. This is your house. Now go inside, stay inside, and go to fucking bed." Kyle took his keys and opened Cartman's door for him, seeing as he appeared too wobbly to do it himself. 

"Let's have a sleepover!" Cartman said giddily.

"Um, no thanks," Kyle replied, eying him strangely.

"Why not? Your mom might be pissed if you go home now smelling like alcohol."

"Just ten minutes ago you were annoyed by my presence, now you want me to have a "sleepover" with you? You sure you didn't get poisoned?"

"I need someone to make sure I stay in bed and don't drunkenly sneak out and get myself into trouble," Cartman explained, an obvious lie.

Kyle just stood in front of the door, looking at him with uncertainty. Eventually Cartman grabbed him by the arm and pulled him inside. "Just come on Jew! I won't kill you!"

Kyle shrugged and put his phone down on the end table once inside. He took his cape and hung it over Cartman's sofa.

Cartman stretched his arms and yawned dramatically. He began walking up the stairs in a sleepy daze. Kyle decided to follow him. The fat boy discarded his Santa hat and jacket and plopped down into bed, pulling the covers up over himself and closing his eyes. 

"Cartman? Are you going to sleep now?" Kyle asked.

"Mmyeah, I'm tired as fuck, can't keep mah eyes open," Cartman responded.

"Alright, well my job is done, I'm going home now," Kyle told him, turning the light off. 

"No!" Cartman protested. "Get in bed. I thought we're having a sleepover."

"No thanks, we're not little girls." Kyle stared at him oddly.

"Yes we are," Cartman drunkenly replied. "Come onnn."

"Hell no. I'm going home."

"But you're all wobbly and smell like alcohol. If your mom sees you come home like that at midnight she'll be pissed."

"Ugh. Whatever. I'm sleeping on your couch downstairs then."

"My cat always throws up on that couch, are you sure you wanna sleep on it?" 

"God dammit." Kyle sighed and rubbed his forehead. He considered just sitting on the floor all night and waiting for the alcohol to fade off, but he was too tired and woozy feeling to sit upright for that long.

Reluctantly he ended up getting into Cartman's bed. It wasn't so bad, since it was a queen sized bed. He plopped down on the opposite side and laid his head down on the pillow. Eh, this wasn't bad. He could just go to sleep and- 

Suddenly he heard a retching noise beside him. His eyes widened in horror as he instinctively jumped out of the bed, just in time to avoid being in the crossfire of puke that spewed from Cartman's throat. 

Cartman coughed and gasped as he sat up in the bed, his puke covering his comforter blanket. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Ugh, fuck..."

Kyle just shook his head. "I'm starting to think your couch seems like a better option."

"Ughhh. Can you help me clean this up?" Cartman asked in a sick, pleading tone. "Just throw it into the washing machine."

"Hell no! I ain't touching your puke blanket." 

"But I'm really sick, and I'm being such a nice friend for letting you stay at my house! You could at least help and go put this in the washing machine for me."

Kyle shook his head. "Nope, nope, nope."

"Pleeease, I feel so sick I can't move," Cartman replied dramatically, moaning and groaning in illness.

"Where's your mom?" 

"Not here," Cartman groaned. He made more dramatic sick noises, curling into a fetal position on the bed.

Kyle sighed angrily and picked up the puke blanket, being careful not to touch the puke covered areas of it. He briskly walked down the stairs and went to their washing machine, throwing the blanket in and turning it on. Then he furiously washed his hands.

He went back upstairs and found Cartman sitting up on the bed, propped against a TV pillow as he watched TV. 

"I thought you were feeling deathly ill, asshole," Kyle noted.

"I was, but I'm feeling a little better now that I puked up the toxins. By the way, could you get me some chips?" Cartman smiled.

"Go get them yourself!" Kyle snapped.

"I would, but I feel so dizzy and wobbly. I need to eat something. Could you be a dear and get the bag of chips for me?" 

"Urrggh..fine," Kyle sighed. He was too tired to argue.

"Oh, and perhaps a glass of water and an aspirin while you're down there," Cartman added.

"I think you just enjoy making me be your servant," Kyle complained.

"I do," Cartman replied with a flashing grin.

Kyle groaned and went downstairs to fulfill his request.

"Kyle! Can you get me the blanket on the armchair too??" Cartman yelled from his room. 

"Okay, grandma!" Kyle yelled back. 

By the time Kyle made it up the stairs with all the stuff, he was feeling sleepy. He put the glass of water and aspirin down on Cartman's night table, and threw the bag of chips and blanket at him.

Cartman smirked. "Thank you, servant."

Kyle threw up his middle finger at him in response. Reluctant but tired, he plopped down on the other side of the bed again and buried his head into the pillow. "I'm super tired. I'm going to sleep. Don't fucking barf on me again while I'm sleeping."

"Kay, I'll try not to." Cartman chuckled and threw the blanket over to Kyle. "Here, since you were nice I'll share some of my blankie."

Kyle hummed in response, his eyes closed. 

"I'mma go wash my mouth out and brush my teeth, cuz I feel nasty." Cartman turned the TV off, got up and went to the bathroom.

Kyle began to drift into sleep, until Cartman returned, got into the other side of the bed and pulled the blanket off Kyle.

Kyle groaned and pulled the blanket back for himself. Cartman, annoyed, pulled it back towards his own side.

"Gimme some fucking blanket!" Kyle complained. "It's cold. Dammit, I was actually falling asleep and you woke me up."

"Ugh! Fine! Take it!" Cartman angrily threw the blanket at Kyle and curled up on his side of the bed, annoyed and blanketless. "Greedy Jew, hoarding all the blanket." He felt chilly and wrapped his arms around himself, trying to go to sleep.

Eventually he heard Kyle breathing like he had fallen back asleep. Carefully, he inched closer to Kyle, trying to get under the blanket. He pulled some over himself and moved his pillow closer, trying to arrange himself in a way that he could be comfortable and covered by blanket without touching or awakening Kyle. After awhile, he had gotten somewhat comfortable and fallen asleep.

20 minutes later, Kyle peeked an eye open, feeling something heavy on him. Cartman was not only under the blanket with him, but had his arm draped over him. Too sleepy and buzzed to really care, Kyle snuggled into the arm comfortably. It felt nice, and he was too incoherent to question it.

Cartman, now half awakened as well, felt hair tickling his face. "There's a fluffy cat on my face.." he mumbled, not opening his eyes.

"Wha?" Kyle replied.

"Oh. Is that you Kyle? Why is your hair in my face?"

"I don't fuckin know, you're the one who rolled over here to spoon me," Kyle groaned. "You're so fucking gay."

"It's not gay, I just wanted some blanket, asshole," Cartman argued.

"You didn't have to wrap your arm around me," Kyle noted.

"Well you didn't have to cuddle it," Cartman argued back.

"I was asleep and I thought it was a pillow," Kyle defended.

"Well I was also asleep and probably thought you were a pillow as well," Cartman retorted.

"OK, well I'm tired, so let's just go back to sleep and forget this happened." Kyle pushed the pudgy arm away from him. "And stay on your side of the blanket!"

"Hey, what's wrong with a little cuddling for warmth?" 

"It's kinda gay," Kyle answered.

"Uhuh..and what's wrong with being kinda gay? Are you a homophobe?"

Kyle sighed. "Look, I'm not gay and I don't like you like that. I just want you to know that. So stop it with the weird flirting."

Cartman felt his heart sink in his chest. He shook his head. "Psh, flirting?? I'm not flirting with you! Like seriously, get over yourself. I barely even like you, Kahl, you're annoying and stupid, and a ginger, and a dumb Jew, and...everything else!" 

Kyle smiled and sat up a little in the bed. "Phew. Wendy and Stan made me start to question your behavior...and now this...but you're just drunk. It's good to know they're full of shit, right? I think I would leave Colorado if they were actually right about you having a crush on me. Ugh, that would be weird as hell."

Cartman nervously laughed. "Heh heh..yeah..they're full of shit. Don't believe any rumors they say about me. I hate you, Kyle."

"Alright, I'm glad that's cleared up." Kyle laid his head back down on the pillow. "Now, can we please get some sleep?"

"Fine, whatevah." Cartman rolled away and faced the opposite side of the bed, sighing. He looked at the wall, depressed. He tried to close his eyes and go back to sleep, but was awakened by his cat jumping on the bed. The cat carefully kneaded the blanket and then sandwiched himself in between Cartman and Kyle, purring. Cartman smiled, drifting back to sleep at the comforting sound of the cat's purrs. At least there was somebody who loved him back. 


End file.
